why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
