I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
