If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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