yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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