Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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