After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
