In the future we'll all be gay
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize