oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A+ Viking dick
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
