My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
