im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
