I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
