I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
