You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
