you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
