listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
