Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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