Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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