some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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