two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
