no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
