The maid of honor just puked.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
