Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
