so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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