I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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