return my video game
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
