You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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