I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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