Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
