i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
