the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
