you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This house was built for laser tag.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
