he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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