True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
