Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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