Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
