i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
my liver is dry heaving
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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