dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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