Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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