I hate all girls vehemently.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
