Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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