it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
