Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
