Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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