No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
