Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
