I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
