whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
worst night to have a conscience
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
