i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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