If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
