I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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