A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize