New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
