forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
