She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
