Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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