grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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