She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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