I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize