I wanna passion pit in your ass
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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