My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
