another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize