btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my being single is dangerous.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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