he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
