ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
