I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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