she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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