You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
