My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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