Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
