I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
