My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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