3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize