Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
