We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize