I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
