i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
