She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
