I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
