she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
