Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
