how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
