Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
