So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
