Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
